Ohh the pain, the pain

I'm in pain today, everything hurts, everytime I move I can feel my abs protesting. I sit down and my hip goes “mother monkey stand up this freaking hurts”, then I stand up and after a few minutes the fatigue in my legs takes it toll.

I have been to bikram yoga or hot yoga that it's populary refered to. It's my first few times in a yoga studio for the last few years. I had forgotten the pain it inposes on the unfit.

I have been going to Yoga for years, but I have not been able to practice for the last year due to the surgery. I also have never done bikram yoga.

Bikram yoga is a basic yoga practice consisting of 26 postures. And they all done in a room heated to 47 degres. Now if you wonder how that feels, it's like sitting twisted on a nail in a sauna for 90 minutes. It hurts and it's crazy hot. 47 degrees celcius means that you are sweating if you are just lying on the floor. Imagine 47 degrees when you have your right arm twisted at face height around your left arm and your right leg twisted around you left leg, and then your left knee bent at 90 degres angle parallell to the floor. Hey presto you are sweating like a rent boy.

So that is good, I normally sweat at yoga as I'm just a sweaty kind of person. In this case the Bikram yoga is very democratic. Everyone is sweating, everyone is tired, not even the most cool of cucumbers been doing yoga for years kind of people don't sweat.

However, it does not mean that the room is not filled with these long limbed dancer body beauties that you normally get, and I assume as the yoga studio is so close to bondi beach that that is where they hang out in summer.

My main issue with Bikram is, the smell and all the men that find it suitable to do the yoga only wearing their underpants. I'm serious, there is no need for that, no-one wants to see that.

The smell obviously comes from 50 people in a room twisting themselves into crazy positions in 47 degree heat. And people are soo sweaty, it's not funny. The room is CARPETED, yes you heard me right. Apparently it's some special carpet that they clean once a weak, with some special backing so it wont get mouldy and such. But still, 4 classes a day, at least 250 people a day sweating in that room. It smells like old school plastic matresses. A combination of vomit and urin. It's fine while your are doing the standing poses, but once you get down to the floor you almost pass out and not from the heat.

And the men and their pants. I'm not kidding you, men in all ages, also some of them I know, have decided that it's suitable to do yoga not wearing a T-shirt. I get that you get hot, I'm wearing the T-shirt, I get it. I can understand the no T-shirt thing, I do not condone it, but I understand it.

But some of them have decided that not only are they not going to wear a T-shirt they are also going to wear the smallest pants known to man. Some of them are obviously underpants maskerading as yoga pants. I wonder what would happen if I rocked up only wearing a thong. I do not think they would let me stay in class. I would scare people. People would get snow blind from the whiteness of my cheeks.

I've decided to finish these 10 days of Yoga (got a 10 day special deal, wanna get my moneys worth), but I think I'm gonna stick to normal Power Astangha Yoga, as at least that only hurts. No-one smells like old running shoe.