A is leaving me...

for London for one week, he is going to tomorrow and is coming back at the end of next week.

I have never been good at being on my own, I have very little need for alone time, actually my preferred alone time is being alone together which is basically two people together doing their own thing in the same room without talking. That is as alone as I need to be.

Really my mind leaks all sort of rubbish when I’m on my own, especially if I’m on my own with nothing particular to do. I start out being all good and happy but can quickly talk myself into total despair. This obviously is a problem as I will be alone a lot in the coming week.

It actually worries me a little bit these days that I’m so bad at being on my own. It seems to be such a treasured thing for people to be on their own, having alone-time. That seems to be the “buzz word”. I guess it sounds better if someone asked what you did on the weekend, you weren’t lonely you where having alone-time that you really treasured. A bit like Oprah saying “I am not alone, I am with myself”.

Well let me tell you, Me, Myself and I are not great company for each other. We really go on each other’s nerves. I get energy from people around me, not from my “inner being”, my “inner being” is really loud and moody; I need others peoples noise to drown that out.

I know a lot of people who thinks this is a weakness; some have even said that to my face. Which is fine for me, I prefer if people are being honest (about most things, not everything, do not tell me that you think my clothes are rubbish, there is never a need for that. Just say you don’t like the colour)

I just know I’m better at being on my own then I used to be, I used to rather go for coffee with people I don’t like then to be on my own. Now I rather go for coffee and eavesdrop on other people’s conversation then go for coffee with people I don’t like. It’s a step forward.

Quite far away from going on silent retreat with just myself as company, I know, but it’s upwards and forwards.

Anyway, I think I might be able to keep myself fairly busy as I’ve bought a bench grinder.

Everybody needs at least one bench grinder.