Wednesday, 11 November 2009


I read my friends GB:s blog today and at the end of it she talks about what to look for in a partner. In her blog she says that a partner should always make you feel good, happy and whole.

GB and I have discussed this before and I think this is a tall order of requirement for another person to fulfil. By wanting them to make you feel good you are setting them up to fail. This does not mean that you should look for someone that makes you feel like crap, but you need to take responsibility for your own feelings of happiness and wholeness.

I think one must remember that other people’s lives are filled with them. No matter how much someone loves you or you love them they are their own first person. They live their life with a first person narrative. I am the first person in my life and you are in yours. (Maybe this changes when you have children, it seems to) In the same way that I can’t live my life to make you happy and you shouldn’t live yours to make mine a great one.

I think if you need your partner to make you feel good, what if one day you don’t. One day you wake up and you are not happy with where your life is, you still love the other person but the other things that matters are not right. Then you will feel that they have failed you. They have not made you feel good anymore. You might then end up blaming them for your feelings un-goodness and un-wholeness whereas they have not changed at all.

Then again I have no advice on how to find another person or what to look for. I don’t know, all I know is that some people you gel with and if you try to see where they are coming from at all times you are usually alright. Not yelling helps as well.


  1. I agree with you Maria.
    I think that you should try to be good, happy and whole by your self. Never put that responsibility on any one else. It you feel like you are a complete person then you might have the chance to meet someone who adds that extra thing in you life that makes you feel better, happier and the two of you can become more together then you used to be.
    But maybe that’s what your friend meant?

  2. You are very serious both Katarian and Maria and I fully agree with what you say. I also think that your sentence Maria, "I am the first person in my life and you are in yours." are correct until, as you write, you get children. But don't forget that even if the person you love lives his/hers life first, you are more than number two after him/her.