Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Novemeber 1

Today is my hearing date, for the divorce. It feels really strange that to get married one has to by law attend the event, (in some cases you can send a representative, you know, if you don’t like crowds, fancy clothing or cake) but when you get divorced you don’t have to. That seems strange to me.

So of course I did a little bit of googling, as you can see from the above picture. It’s a real one, a real company. No kidding. There are civil ceremony officiants that specialises in divorce ceremonies. I guess that works in a way, in a strange way I can understand that. People like ceremonies most of the time, we might not like funerals, but many find them comforting.

There are companies that are specialising in divorce parties, that seem a little callous. Maybe that is most appropriate if a divorce is acrimonious, as in a “hahhahaha good riddance” kind of way. (What favours would one choose for a divorce party, broken heart chocolates, a tote bag, lip balm with snazzy wording, I’m not sure what would be appropriate. Probably cup cakes, you don’t seem to be able to go wrong with cup cakes.)

But when it’s just a quiet fizzle, with periods of anger and resentment ending with a “To be honest, probably a good idea”, I’m not sure IF you are suppose to mark that and if so, HOW you are suppose to do so.

I have been thinking about it, quite a bit lately because I’ve stopped sleeping again. Not cause of the hearing and all, due to totally different concerns. But as I’ve been awake, you know, I might as well have think about things.

Other friends that I have that have gone through the same thing in the last couple of years, have bought something, like something substantial to mark the occasion, like jewellery or you know, something fairly expensive. That seems fair. But I wonder if I would look at that piece of jewellery as a positive precious thing, or if I would end up looking at it as a representation of failure.

I can’t get over the fact that I think of the divorce as somewhat of a failure. I’m not saying that everyone else has to think so, and most people are telling me that I’m wrong. But I don’t think I am. I don’t think failing at things is always bad, it just means that next time, and you’ll work harder at not failing at the same time. You are more aware, you are able to look at the thing you didn’t succeed at the first time, analyse them and decide when/what went wrong and then improve on it.

So maybe I would buy something, as a sign of willingness to improve in the future.

It could possibly be a cup cake.

(it's also Melbourne cup day, and I can't have a boozy lunch with a silly hat on my head, because I have meetings all night, and that is not right)


  1. Hello my lovely girl. Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while, been cocooned in my Herne Hill lovenest. :-)

    Don't buy something permanent, buy something temporary or frivolous, or hire a convertible car and take a road trip to somewhere you've never been. And have a scream or a meditation session or let some balloons go. All things must pass. I've been on a training course today which has made me question how I spend my time. And I certainly need to spend less of it at work! So make sure that after those meetings you have a chilled bottled of something or. I miss you and wish you were just across the hallway like before. But as I say all things must pass, and even I don't live behind the same door any more! Love you,
    Miss M xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. "Vissa saker måste man ta sig igenom utan återvändo. Läkarundersökningar, tentor, kärleksmöten, andras begravningar, uppspel – i hopp om att det finns en överlevnad på andra sidan.”

    Det gäller såkalart även en skilsmässa.

    Det kommer en tid. Vänta på den i lugn.

  3. Ingen var jag. :)

  4. I really think there are complicated things you're thinking about right now. I have NO good advise, just admiration for you and the hard work you do. But I do think you should celebrate your ability to learn from your misstakes, like a promise to your self to remember all you know and all you want to do right. I'm in aw of your strenght!!

    Kram och puss!

  5. thanks for sharing..