the kind of armour I would like
I have not been writing for a while. I have been very busy as I have had guests in my flat since the second week of October and will continue to do so until the first week of January. It has been lovely to have so many people come and see me. But it has also lead to much sadness as I have to see them leave. My friends who are staying at the moment are leaving on Friday and Sunday, and my dad arrives on Monday. So it will be a weekend of mixed emotions.
At the moment I feel like my shell is getting very membrane like and I let things in and out to easy. I like it better when it's like armour, I know that might not make me the cuddliest person in the world, but there are plenty of pandas to take that role. Anyway, in regards to my armour, my friend pointed out last night that why don't I just let myself feel the way I feel and remove all the strategies of avoiding feelings I don't like.
That seems like a terrifying way of life, to much emotion, to much drama. I don't do drama. But I guess that is what people mean with live in the now and all incense that stuff.
I have had such a fun fun fun time in the last few months. To much fun, I feel my energy is depleted, in combination with hyperness. Unenergetic hyper me, Isn't my dad a lucky guy who will get to hang out with that person for a month. Really hyper but can't be bothered doing anything anymore. Let's hope he is jetlagged the first couple of days so I get a decent amount of sleep.
I feel a need to centre and kind of quiet down. I have started a plan for 2011, for a more sustainable way of living. However much fun I have had I also know that what I'm doing at the moment is so scatty and un-organised it kills all creativity I have, all extra energy and a lot of the feeling of caring for others. And that is not a good thing.