PH-11

I have decided that January 2011 will be the kick off time for my new Project Health 2011. Why is this, well the main reason is that I’m feeling very unhealthy. I have had so much fun in the last couple of months, so much fun; which can be seen on the increase of waistline that I have and the fact that my stomach ulcer has come back in full force.

I can’t blame it all on the fact that I have had great visitors in my flat since early October even if I would want that. It does come down to the fact that I have eaten to much, drunken to much and smoked far to much.

Now it has been lovely to do this, but I am starting to see the side effects of this hedonistic couple of months that I have been having.

All the dresses and skirts I bought in New York in August are too tight in the waist.
My attention span is really bad.
I have much less energy then I normally have.
My skin is getting prickly and I have got breakouts again. Wrinkles and pimples in combination. Not fair at all.

As I’m a all or nothing person I will try to do this as a project, but my aim is
1. Not to let it take over my life.
2. Not get injured from the increased training.

These are things that I have never been able to do. Ever. I normally get far to into it, cutting out all socialising and focus only on eating well and training hard. Rendering my personal life a bit dull and also about 4 months in I will have got myself injured again.

So I will not do it that way this time.
I have made a project plan, I have divided the time from January to April into stage 1.
In stage 1 I will stop smoking, I will eat more vegetarian food and get back into regular exercise.

In stages, not all at once.

If I would do it all in once, then one is very likely to fail. So first step is, stop smoking, stop drinking for January and go to one yoga class a week.

This is my plan, or Project Health 2011, or PH-11 as I will refer to it.

Membrane

the kind of armour I would like
I have not been writing for a while. I have been very busy as I have had guests in my flat since the second week of October and will continue to do so until the first week of January. It has been lovely to have so many people come and see me. But it has also lead to much sadness as I have to see them leave. My friends who are staying at the moment are leaving on Friday and Sunday, and my dad arrives on Monday. So it will be a weekend of mixed emotions.

At the moment I feel like my shell is getting very membrane like and I let things in and out to easy. I like it better when it's like armour, I know that might not make me the cuddliest person in the world, but there are plenty of pandas to take that role. Anyway, in regards to my armour, my friend pointed out last night that why don't I just let myself feel the way I feel and remove all the strategies of avoiding feelings I don't like.

That seems like a terrifying way of life, to much emotion, to much drama. I don't do drama. But I guess that is what people mean with live in the now and all incense that stuff.

I have had such a fun fun fun time in the last few months. To much fun, I feel my energy is depleted, in combination with hyperness. Unenergetic hyper me, Isn't my dad a lucky guy who will get to hang out with that person for a month. Really hyper but can't be bothered doing anything anymore. Let's hope he is jetlagged the first couple of days so I get a decent amount of sleep.
I feel a need to centre and kind of quiet down. I have started a plan for 2011, for a more sustainable way of living. However much fun I have had I also know that what I'm doing at the moment is so scatty and un-organised it kills all creativity I have, all extra energy and a lot of the feeling of caring for others. And that is not a good thing.