Ridiculously happy

This last week I’ve been giddy, jumpy and hysterically happy. It’s a very strange sensation, it’s like I can’t really contain the general cheerfulness under my skin, it jumps out as face wide grins to the least suspecting passers by. I’m sure I’ve scared people; they don’t really know what hit them. I know my staff thinks I’m a little more weird then normal, but as one of them said “not in a bad way”.

It’s not that I’m normally a happy person, I am mainly rather cheerful, but this sort of general giddiness is not what I’m used to. It’s the same feeling that one has when you look forward to something specific that is going to be great, except there isn’t any particular event on the calendar right now.

I’m not complaining about it, I think it’s great. I’m just not used to it, and I’m a little scarred off it, in the way that you know that one day, if it’s gone, you will have known how great it was, and then you will know what you are missing out on.

In other news:
One of the girls in my office has a very pretty dress today. I will tell her.
Tonight I’m catching up with a really great group of girls that I got to know very well in the last year, and I’m going to eat souvlaki.
Tomorrow I’m going to see my friend R and her son that is now 1 year old.
On Sunday I’m going to learn to reverse park.

In reference to previous post aboutobsession I have now realised what the new subject is, it's Eggs, not as a subject of interest, but as a subject of eating. I can't get enough of boiled eggs. It's almost as bad as the "year of the tuna" which led to not being able to eat any more tuna ever, so let's hope I get over it quicker this time.

Visan: Re tattoo – Reckon it would be a little chavvy to have a sonnet about obsessions about monkeys as tattoo..but you know, maybe it would become “THE” new fashion, Angelina eat your heart out, check out how my poem rhymes gallus besom with m

Spring Clean

Today, the 1 of September is the first day of spring. Spring people, Spring is here, it’s coming, bring on the asparagus.

I have a strong urge to spring clean, to tidy and sort out, during the winter I haven’t much enjoyed staying at home. My flat has been cold, and not very friendly feeling, I’ve been really trying not to spend much time there. I think that will have to change as this spring is coming.

I have been thinking about sorting, cleaning, tidying out all my things. Last year when I moved out of the last flat, it was just aiming to get out as fast as possible, get out, get out, get out, so I never had a look at the things that I packed.

I have so many things in my cupboards and drawers that I don’t use, like or think are beautiful. I don’t know for the life of me why I have them. But I do, and now they are all going to have to find new places to live.

I will try not to overwhelm myself with this, as I normally do, by pulling everything out, and trying to sort it, and then getting tired and frustrated and unable to throw anything. This time I will do it slowly and in bits, I’ll start cupboard by cupboard in the kitchen and move from there.

I have been obsessively reading Martha Stewart's (cause I love her) cleaning, tidy and organisation tips, I’m so geared up to do this that I’m almost panting. I just hope that the energy will not disappear before I start. That has happened before.

I also have a great plan for the poem my lovely friend M gave me for my 30:th birthday, a great plan I tell you…..

Obsessive or nerd gene!

I have a full on nerd gene, I will on occasion find a subject to which I become obsessively interested, such that I want to know everything about the subject, I want to read all the books, look at all the pictures, see all exhibits etc. I become a rather dull person at such occasions as I mainly want to talk and think about this super duper really interesting subject that I love. I truly enjoy it, but I’m not sure that others might.

Now this doesn’t happen often, last time it occurred it was gemstones, which ties neatly into my interest in jewellery, and I ended up doing a two year FGA qualification and is now a qualified gemmologist.

Now I love gemstones, but the interest has vaned a little bit in the last couple of years, I still love looking at them, working with them, reading about them, but I don’t obsessively read everything I can find about them in the way that I used to.

I’m kind of feeling that a new nerd subject is coming on, I’m just not sure what it might be yet, maybe wood work, maybe physics, it would be awesome if it was maths, but that is unlikely.

And I was wondering, what if stalkers are people with a nerd gene whose obsession becomes another person and not a subject. That thought is a little scary. I think I will stop thinking that, before that is the thing that becomes the great new interest, and I would turn into a stalker of stalkers.

Don’t want that, no good.

Holidays with Family and Friends

So I went on holiday, to Sweden and to London. To Sweden to see family and went to London to go to a wedding. Both parts of the trip where great, in their own separate ways, they also put a lot off things in perspective.

Mainly in regards to location, I’ve been thinking a lot this last year about where I should live and why. I live in Australia, which is a lovely place; I have nice friends and job I really enjoy. I have been thinking that I should be moving back to Europe where I have nice friends and family, but obviously not this job that I have here.

It was lovely being back in London, my first thought on the first night when I met up with friends was, “jeezz what I’m doing, why aren’t I back here”. Then the second day when it was pissing down rain and I was stuck on the tube getting from Victoria to Westminster I was thinking “Ahh this is why I’m not here”.

It was a great weekend to be back in London, it felt a little like the last weekend before everything change. I have been talking to my close friend M (how I miss her when I live here in OZ) through the year about the fact that life moves on for everyone and that people move and change and social life change over time. But that is hard to see when you not amongst it on a daily basis.

Also moving back would not just be slotting back into where I was, because I’m not. I was never lonely in London because I wasn’t on my own. I would be, if I moved back now.

Moving back to Sweden would be even more different. It would be moving back to something that I should feel comfortable with but actually feel very uncomfortable with, I feel like I’m always missing the social clues, I don’t know the TV programs, or the writers or the whatever. I’ve missed the last 10 years, cause I haven’t been there for the last 10 years. Actually I haven’t lived in Stockholm since 1997.

And then there is the thing about the people that I have here, D for example. It would be very sad to leave him. Because he is nice and I like him. So for now, I’m staying here, and then we’ll see.

Maybe if I stop fretting about it, the answer to it all will come in time.

Happiness

I saw a friend of mine on Tuesday night and she told me I looked so very happy. I hadn't thought about it much lately, I guess that is a first sing that you are.
And I guess I am, I'm really happy.

I have some rough weeks, bad news and hard work, we've (my team and I) worked hard to push something forward and we kind of got it there, at least a start. Not finished, not even close to finished, but a start. It made me very happy, exited and wanting to share it, that is when I realized, when you've known someone for 10 years, telling them that you have done something good doesn't come across as bragging.

But when the people you know are new friends telling them that you've done something good can come across as smug and bragging, and you know annoying. And that is sad, cause sometimes you just want a couple of gold stars.

Well I'm gonna celebrate by nothing reading my work email before bed and have some mint slices.

Then soo calm - now so phhhhh

I went away for the weekend to Kangaroo Valley, which as you can see is an absolutely stunning part of New South Wales.

Normally when I go away I get freaked out if I don’t do much, but this time I did nothing. I slept, ate, read one book and made a roast dinner and that was pretty much it.

When I got home, I was very relaxed and chilled out after a couple of weeks of pretty hard going stuff, bad news and too many hours in the office.

But now, only two and half days later, I’m back to feeling like pressing the “f*ck it button” and scoot of to a beach in Fiji.

Maybe it’s just because it’s now winter, winter in June. How up side down is that anyway.

Oscillation

So I went on holiday, which was great. Saw touristy things in NY that I haven’t seen before (I have yet to see the statue of liberty, but you know hey, I have to save something for if/when I go back). I also went to Washington DC and got surprised with how small the White House really is, also how close you can get to it.

I would have assumed that you’d have to be a couple of kilometers away from it, but no, it’s just a couple of hundred meters and you can get that view that you got from the White House TV series (which I liked very much if I could get it subtitled, they all spoke to fast).

After the holiday I have been oscillating between being very happy and being sad and confused and weirded out and all the gray shades in-between. For someone who mainly does black or white, gray is so very uncomfortable.

It was very sad to leave my NY friend but also very happy to come back to Sydney and my friend/s here, and that confuses the hell out of me. It would be easier if it wasn’t so conflicting.

The only conclusion I can draw is, I’m unlikely to stay in Sydney for any prolonged period of time (mum we are talking in years here, not months, i.e. do not expect me home for Christmas). But I can’t see myself celebrating Christmas 2014 here. However, I have absolutely no idea of where I want to go. I’m quite sure I’m done with London, I can’t see Sweden working out as I’ve been away for about 10 years, I’m not really feeling a strong attachment to any location that I would like to go to, San Fran, sure, NY, yeah why not, Frankfurt, Mumbai, Hong Kong…not in a million years..

So, I guess I will find out in time where it all takes me.

(btw – Patty Fudge, did pick your spelling mistake and it makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one that wont make it into the enclave)