So unbelievably tired

I have allowed myself to get to the state when I’m overtired, so unbelievably overtired. This is not a good state to be in, it’s the state when you overreact, when your attitude goes to “Mate, I’m just surviving right now, so I’m can’t be bothered with these issues”. It’s when I go into the state off concreting.

I call it concreting because all I do is walk straight forward and look into the concrete, using as little energy as possible, not noticing my surroundings and not looking at the bright autumn sun or the vividly blue sky.

It’s also at this stage when you don’t become a good friend, sister, daughter, workmate or partner as you only really have energy enough to get up, brush your teeth and go to work and sit there and try to do the job that you need to do.

All I can say, thank god I’m going on holiday tomorrow.

Diets and such

Lately or in the last 9 months or so my weight has steadily been inching upwards. Not in huge numbers but slowly, slowly got it self to a number that I’m not happy with.

I was whinging about it the other day to a friend and he said, well considering all that has happened in the last few months maybe it’s not so strange, and I kind of thought Yes, but for how long can I use that excuse.

I know exactly what has happened, I’m not cooking dinner like I used to, I’m not eating in the same controlled fashion that I used to, I allow myself toasties and biscuits to make up for not eating dinner. I don’t bring lunch work, I socialise much more then I used to with the extra alcohol and the extra crap food that I wouldn’t have eaten previously.

Now the issue with all this is that knowing myself very well in regards to weight gain, if I don’t nip this in the bud pretty quickly, I will get to what I perceive is my “critical number” and that number will push me into doing something, and that something will most likely be something silly. I will indulge in old restrictive eating behaviours and exercise too much, too hard and I will hurt myself again, I reckon to major hip surgeries should be enough even for me.

So my plan is to try to get a handle on it prior to going mental. So I’m looking for inspiration to get me eating better again, eating better but not crazily restrictive.

Thinking health more then kcal I guess. And that is hard for me, so I did some looking around, and I saw the LCHF diet, I thought that looked interesting. And I realised that is pretty much exactly how I used to eat, excluding most dairy products except cheese.

The only problems with all these low carbohydrate eating plans for me are breakfast; I like porridge for breakfast, with berries and almonds.

So I’ll do my own version. Good old fashioned eating habits. So I’ll go to the super market, buy myself some eggs, make an omelette instead of sandwich for dinner and then go home and throw out all the biscuits that are loitering around my flat.

Those biscuits are well known for loitering around my house. I love them and they love me, but not in the right way. More in the love handle way. So in the bin they go. I will replace them with chocolate.

Events that has occurred

A lot of events have occurred since I wrote anything last time. I will list and comment and hopefully get back to writing a little more after this huge update post.

Since I wrote last I have done these things:

Music festival – I went to the Good Vibes Festival, which was great fun, wet and rainy but not cold. Once I had committed to being wet and ugly I had the best time bopping about to Miike Snow.

Had a date
Had a work do
Then a driving lesson, and went flying in a helicopter again and then a few days of drama, which thought me:
Sometimes I am not a nice person.
Some people’s ability for forgiveness is astounding.
Other people’s anger is hard to understand.
The fact that I have friends that I can talk to about things in annoying detail is fantastic.

Then a friend of mine moved back to the UK, which highlighted the fact that all this moving around in different countries allows you to make and loose fantastic friends in very short time.

We had a big work do which was interesting, I saw one of Sydney 24 hour pubs, which was a scary sight.

I went to a concert with Mark Ronson, he as not as good as expected but had Miike Snow as a surprise act so I was a very happy customer anyway, that night I met the cutest 20 year old gay couple planning their wedding. They made me very happy, they thought I was 25. That made me even happier.

Then I had yet another leaving do, which was sad, but the week up I got catch up with my friend R that I haven’t seen in a long time cause as she has had a baby and I’ve been a pretty shit friend in not going for a visit. So that will have to change.

I had a book club event, without talking about the book we where suppose to have read, which was nice as I hadn’t read the book. Then I did some driving, over the harbour bridge.

Then I had a more confusing times in regards to marriage and divorce and spent a fortune in getting to be registered as the owner of my car, and then paying for all those really dull car payments, rego, insurance, tires and other boring expenses.
The marriage and divorce bit was far more painful and confusing then I had expected. I thought I had all that clear in my head, but apparently some people found that they needed to add a little more pain and confusion to the mix.

The week after that we had a big night out with all the girls, which led to dancing around at the opera bar until my feet bled, which was probably exactly what was needed at that point.

A couple of days later I did some more driving, all the way up to the blue mountains, where I saw 2 traffic accident and gave the finger to a lady that hassled me in the McDonalds parking space for stalling the car when I was trying to get out.

So it seems that I will turn out to be an expressive driver. My driving instructor was most impressed with the fact that not only was I giving the finger to a driver in a SUV in the western suburbs, which easily can be led to you getting shot in the head, but I also lent forward to make sure she could see it properly through the tinted windows.

After that I’ve helped a friend move house and watched a live game of AFL, which was entertaining.

Events coming up are:
Weekend in the Hunter Valley on a wine tour with 10 friends
Cracker Night Sydney Comedy Festival Gala night
10 days in New York
and more stand up comedy.

So all in all very eventful times, the last two months has had pretty much every drama one could expect of a lifetime. So let’s hope it calms down a little bit. It seems that I have had the Chinese curse come true, “Hope you live in interesting times”

The health project is not going well

Busy bee

Last week was an extremely eventful week. There where so many fun things happened that now I’m all funned out.
I went to the Opera house twice, once to watch theatre and once to watch opera. I realised I really liked Carmen, however I do think that the subtitling of opera does take some of the beauty out of it. It’s good to know what the stories are about, but I found it hard to focus on the singing and read at the same time.

Then it was big night out for comp day on Wednesday, with the side effect of loosing my phone in a cab. Then the rest of the week to me to see a lot of music at the Good Vibrations music festival. My high light was watching Miike Snow.

However Ludacris did put on a great show, so did Eryka Badu, Kelis and the other bands we watched did alright as well. The only let down was Ting Tings, but then that could have to do with that by then it was raining very hard and their stage had no cover.

All an all, I left the festival, soaked through and covered in mud. As one should I assume
Sunday took me for a nice Sunday lunch in Randwick and ended with a Burlesque show in the city. It was entertaining, for sure, and you got to give a lot of credit to the girls. It takes some guts to do what they do. Unlikely that it will be something that I would get myself into. I do not have that kind of confidence.

Today is Valentines day, and my exiting date night will include, taking out the bins, cleaning the shower screens in the bathroom and vacuuming the living room floor. Might make a night of it and throw in a bit of grocery shopping and a load of laundry.
The saddest thing, this is actually making me pretty happy. My flat is a mess and I’m looking forward to putting the music up loud and dance around with my hover.

Life architect

I for the first time in my life have no plans, no goals and no real direction. I’m finding this thrilling and scary at the same time. I am the kind of person who always have had a 10 year plan, I’m going to study this, then work here then do that, do this etc.

Now that is not to say that the plans have always come together, been what I expected or lead me where I thought I would end up. But there has always been a plan, normally a 10 year one.

Now there is no plan, whatsoever, no long term plan at least. There are short term plans, like this weekend I’m going to a music festival and a dance performance and a lunch. But no long term plans, no future idea of where I’m going to go, work with, live with, city to live in.

This is an unbelievable uncomfortable situation for me, who is not a natural “take-the-day-as-it-comes” kind person. Carpe Diem my ass. This is not my normal habitat. But I think for now, making plans to fix, sort out, get on would more then likely lead to ending up in a very wrong place. So for now, I’m making 10 minute plans. Plans for today, eat something before going for a 3 hour opera at the opera house.

I’m going the distance, I’m going for speed.

Well that is how it felt when I was doing my first driving lesson since I was 16. When I was 16 I did do a few driving sessions with my dad. But since then, all I’ve done is practicing parking.

So I did 30 minutes in a parking lot figuring out how to use the clutch and changing gears using my left hand, and then out on the streets at the breakneck speed of 70 km/hour. It was pretty exiting.

There are things that I’m not very good at yet, such as getting off at green lights. I stalled the car so bad I missed at least 3 green light sessions. Got really flustered cause there where cars behind etc. I was really scared that they would start honking, not cause of the honking but that I would get really angry, jump out of the car and run over and start yelling at them. That won’t happen; I’ll make sure of it. But you know, it’s in my personality to do that.

I also went to my PT for the first time yesterday and today there is so much pain. Good pain, no joint pain, but still pain. Tomorrow I’m suppose do to the Great Urban run, it’s a 5 hour orienteering/running/quiz event that you do in teams. It will be good, except it’s going to be 38-42 degrees in Sydney. I reckon there are going to have to be a lot of water drunk, and not a lot of beer drunk tonight. Probably a good thing all in all.

M.I.A

I have not been writing for a while. For many reasons, mainly time constraints but also disinterest and a general feeling of not wanting to.

So since I wrote the last time a lot of things have happened, Christmas and New Years came and went, with the pleasure and the pain that they brought with them. I had a lovely time on both occasions, but not without a fair bit of sadness that I tried my best to ignore and shovel down. Christmas was particularly hard, but I was lucky in having my dad here and also having places to be and people to see.
The picture above is from the fireworks over Darling Harbour, that you could see from my balcony. Look to the left and you see the outline of my dad.



Then I went bridge climbing and took a helicopter ride over the harbour. That was pretty awesome. I’m a great lover of the Sydney harbour and it doesn’t get much better then seeing it from a helicopter. The picture above is from that Event. The helicopter flyer is my mate. Pretty good thing to have a friend who can fly the helicopter, I guess.

Since then I had some more friends visiting from Europe which was lovely.

I also have been working stupid hours and got myself my learner’s license. So I can now take Kurt (the car) out for a drive as long as I have fully licensed driver supervising me in the car. I’m having my first lesson today, with my mate the helicopter flyer, indeed a brave soul considering I get aggressive and rude when I’m trying to learn new things.

PH11, has taken a really bad turn, no weight loss, cut down on the disco dancing and drinking mainly cause I have no people in the house, the smoking is going so so.
But as my sister says, failure is not an issue as long as you pick yourself up and try again. So I’ll have to do it again, do it right. First session with a personal trainer today. Maybe that will get my arse in the gear.