So unbelievably tired

I have allowed myself to get to the state when I’m overtired, so unbelievably overtired. This is not a good state to be in, it’s the state when you overreact, when your attitude goes to “Mate, I’m just surviving right now, so I’m can’t be bothered with these issues”. It’s when I go into the state off concreting.

I call it concreting because all I do is walk straight forward and look into the concrete, using as little energy as possible, not noticing my surroundings and not looking at the bright autumn sun or the vividly blue sky.

It’s also at this stage when you don’t become a good friend, sister, daughter, workmate or partner as you only really have energy enough to get up, brush your teeth and go to work and sit there and try to do the job that you need to do.

All I can say, thank god I’m going on holiday tomorrow.

Diets and such

Lately or in the last 9 months or so my weight has steadily been inching upwards. Not in huge numbers but slowly, slowly got it self to a number that I’m not happy with.

I was whinging about it the other day to a friend and he said, well considering all that has happened in the last few months maybe it’s not so strange, and I kind of thought Yes, but for how long can I use that excuse.

I know exactly what has happened, I’m not cooking dinner like I used to, I’m not eating in the same controlled fashion that I used to, I allow myself toasties and biscuits to make up for not eating dinner. I don’t bring lunch work, I socialise much more then I used to with the extra alcohol and the extra crap food that I wouldn’t have eaten previously.

Now the issue with all this is that knowing myself very well in regards to weight gain, if I don’t nip this in the bud pretty quickly, I will get to what I perceive is my “critical number” and that number will push me into doing something, and that something will most likely be something silly. I will indulge in old restrictive eating behaviours and exercise too much, too hard and I will hurt myself again, I reckon to major hip surgeries should be enough even for me.

So my plan is to try to get a handle on it prior to going mental. So I’m looking for inspiration to get me eating better again, eating better but not crazily restrictive.

Thinking health more then kcal I guess. And that is hard for me, so I did some looking around, and I saw the LCHF diet, I thought that looked interesting. And I realised that is pretty much exactly how I used to eat, excluding most dairy products except cheese.

The only problems with all these low carbohydrate eating plans for me are breakfast; I like porridge for breakfast, with berries and almonds.

So I’ll do my own version. Good old fashioned eating habits. So I’ll go to the super market, buy myself some eggs, make an omelette instead of sandwich for dinner and then go home and throw out all the biscuits that are loitering around my flat.

Those biscuits are well known for loitering around my house. I love them and they love me, but not in the right way. More in the love handle way. So in the bin they go. I will replace them with chocolate.

Events that has occurred

A lot of events have occurred since I wrote anything last time. I will list and comment and hopefully get back to writing a little more after this huge update post.

Since I wrote last I have done these things:

Music festival – I went to the Good Vibes Festival, which was great fun, wet and rainy but not cold. Once I had committed to being wet and ugly I had the best time bopping about to Miike Snow.

Had a date
Had a work do
Then a driving lesson, and went flying in a helicopter again and then a few days of drama, which thought me:
Sometimes I am not a nice person.
Some people’s ability for forgiveness is astounding.
Other people’s anger is hard to understand.
The fact that I have friends that I can talk to about things in annoying detail is fantastic.

Then a friend of mine moved back to the UK, which highlighted the fact that all this moving around in different countries allows you to make and loose fantastic friends in very short time.

We had a big work do which was interesting, I saw one of Sydney 24 hour pubs, which was a scary sight.

I went to a concert with Mark Ronson, he as not as good as expected but had Miike Snow as a surprise act so I was a very happy customer anyway, that night I met the cutest 20 year old gay couple planning their wedding. They made me very happy, they thought I was 25. That made me even happier.

Then I had yet another leaving do, which was sad, but the week up I got catch up with my friend R that I haven’t seen in a long time cause as she has had a baby and I’ve been a pretty shit friend in not going for a visit. So that will have to change.

I had a book club event, without talking about the book we where suppose to have read, which was nice as I hadn’t read the book. Then I did some driving, over the harbour bridge.

Then I had a more confusing times in regards to marriage and divorce and spent a fortune in getting to be registered as the owner of my car, and then paying for all those really dull car payments, rego, insurance, tires and other boring expenses.
The marriage and divorce bit was far more painful and confusing then I had expected. I thought I had all that clear in my head, but apparently some people found that they needed to add a little more pain and confusion to the mix.

The week after that we had a big night out with all the girls, which led to dancing around at the opera bar until my feet bled, which was probably exactly what was needed at that point.

A couple of days later I did some more driving, all the way up to the blue mountains, where I saw 2 traffic accident and gave the finger to a lady that hassled me in the McDonalds parking space for stalling the car when I was trying to get out.

So it seems that I will turn out to be an expressive driver. My driving instructor was most impressed with the fact that not only was I giving the finger to a driver in a SUV in the western suburbs, which easily can be led to you getting shot in the head, but I also lent forward to make sure she could see it properly through the tinted windows.

After that I’ve helped a friend move house and watched a live game of AFL, which was entertaining.

Events coming up are:
Weekend in the Hunter Valley on a wine tour with 10 friends
Cracker Night Sydney Comedy Festival Gala night
10 days in New York
and more stand up comedy.

So all in all very eventful times, the last two months has had pretty much every drama one could expect of a lifetime. So let’s hope it calms down a little bit. It seems that I have had the Chinese curse come true, “Hope you live in interesting times”

The health project is not going well